The most dangerous thing
I’ve been thinking a lot the past week or so. I’ve been so deep in thought that I forget how to interact with people. I forget how to have those simple conversations. I have just been so consumed with my thoughts that I forget that I’m even here. I forget that life is happening around me, and that I need to participate. I found out that the most dangerous thing is the mind. The human mind is the most dangerous thing in the world. Every war, every protest, every riot, every weapon, every fear, comes from the mind. Fear is made up, fear is our mind telling us that we are afraid. Why should I be afraid of spiders? There is no reason. I developed this fantasy about spiders, and that scared me. So, in turn, I fear spiders. I’m not afraid of the dark, but some people are. It’s all in the mind. The same goes for interactions. I got so consumed in my thoughts, that I forgot that life was happening. I was thinking about what to say, or what someone else said. I was thinking about how to interact with people, and while doing that, I forgot how too. Now don’t get me wrong, thinking is good. It’s great to wonder and think about things, but there is a point where you think so much that you enter a scary place in your mind. This place is dark, and it makes everything in life seem not real. Like nothing is happening, and you are just there. You forget a lot of things, like talking to people. I learned that you need walls up in your mind. These walls are not to block other people out, these walls are to protect yourself from yourself. I’m not good with words, so here is a quote that really sums it up.
I don’t know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen. And there are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.
I keep forgetting that this is now, I’m here and this is happening. This isn’t a story yet. There will come a day when I can look back and think about what is happening. However, until that day comes, I don’t need to analyze every little event. I can just let it happen. Eh, that’s just a thought though.